shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have aggressive nipples.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
