I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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