Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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