I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
