literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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