My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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