We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
