Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
