I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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