About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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