I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
