And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
