I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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