stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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