so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
