I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
