Already got asked if we're dating
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize