He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
