I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
