My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize