I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
