Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
