I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
