Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
