I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize