the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
