my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
