i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
