I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I puked a lego.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
