I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
