my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
