Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
