Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
