Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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