New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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