I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize