Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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