kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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