Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
