So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
