well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
