Barsexuality is the new black.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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