zippers are such a cool invention
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
