i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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