omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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