i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
