Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
