U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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