How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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