Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
