You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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