is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
