goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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