I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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