my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
