I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
