Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
