I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
