we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
