I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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