She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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