Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
