if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
