Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
