I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
