Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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