I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
