you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize