I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize