I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
