i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
