I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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