I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would ride that face into the sunset
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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