I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
