im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
