I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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