her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
