Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
