Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
